This is the fifth in a series on coping with unemployment.
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The Keystone
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A useful concept for understanding the role that work may play in our lives is the “Keystone.”
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I am indebted for this concept to John Stone Jenkins and his original “Disciples of Christ Program” which he developed as the Rector of Trinity Church, New Orleans. John and members of his parish personally launched this program during my years as an assistant to Tom Bowers at St. Bartholomew’s, Manhattan, in the 1980’s.
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The keystone is the essential feature of an arch because it locks the other stones together and keeps them in place by carrying their weight.
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Take a moment right now and make a mental or even written list of some of the important facets of your life.
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Perhaps you included such facets as your job, hobbies, friends, significant others, spouse, partner, children, health, money, social standing, and schooling
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We select our Keystone from among these facets, the Keystone which holds together all the other stones in the arch of our lives. Each of us has a Keystone, the thing that functions to hold us together, the most important thing in our lives.
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The Keystone gives us our Identity— the thing that emotionally and intellectually keeps us together, e.g., “I am a Priest.” “I am a Spouse.” “I am the Boss.” “I am a Good Father.”
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The Keystone is also the Source of our Energy. It motivates us. It’s why we get up in the morning. It’s life-giving.
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Finally, the Keystone gives us Strength: It helps us persevere and endure in hard times or difficult situations.
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What happens when something threatens my Keystone? For example, when I fail as a Priest? First of all, it affects all the other facets. My kids might ask, “Why are you so grouchy, Dad?” My wife may observe, “Gee, Bill, you seem so depressed.” My staff may tell me, “You’re not working at full steam today.” But second, if the threat persists, it begins to affect my sense of Identity.
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What happens if we are successful with our Keystone? At first, it tends to serve a good purpose. If our Keystone is our spouse, we will work hard to have a good relationship. If our Keystone is our career, we will work hard to earn status, or money, or respect.
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Second, we feel good about who we are. We have a Good Identity, a Good Self-Image, and Good Self-Esteem.
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But eventually we may become addicted to our Keystone. We come to rely on it, and when we don’t have it we miss it. And, like all addictions, we begin to need larger doses, we need to repeat our successes. And then finally, we become fearful of losing our Keystone, losing our Identity, and then fear begins to drive us, and we become anxious.
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To be continued!
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